The minute he met Kurt, he grabbed the wrong hand and dragged him down a slow-mo hallway. The audience was supposed to read this as: something is very, very wrong with Blaine Anderson and Dalton Academy. Pretty sure it’s actually in the script.
When Dave Karofsky pushed Kurt into a fence, Blaine just stood there. Blaine clearly should’ve punched him in the face - there would’ve been no consequences.
Blaine told Kurt to put his hands down, stifling him and tainting his individuality. Now, if you hate Blaine, you should bring this up during EVERY argument while disregarding future character development.
Speaking of character development, you must insist Blaine has it in order to earn your respect…but then completely ignore it when it actually happens. It’s just a thing we do.
Blaine had a crush on another boy? It doesn’t matter that he didn’t know how Kurt felt about him.
Blaine turned Kurt down in fear of ruining their friendship? DAMN THOSE INSECURITIES THAT ACTUALLY MAKE HIM AN INTERESTING CHARACTER.
So Blaine kissed Rachel Berry and questioned his sexuality. Despite our cries and demands to develop him as a character outside of Kurt (and thus earning more respect), it’s definitely NOT okay for him to do ANYTHING that ruffles poor Kurtie’s feathers. Also, any biphobic comments Kurt makes are 100% okay.
Blaine calls Kurt out on making weird faces instead of the planned sexy faces. As a Blaine hater, in your arguments you must insist Blaine said Kurt was ugly and repulsive. He also embarrassed Kurt by taking him into the private sanctuary of his own bedroom so they could work on things. What a fucking tool.
Blaine is concerned for Kurt and goes to discuss his fears with a parent. Damn it, Blaine! Don’t you know it’s completely safe for a sixteen/seventeen-year-old gay kid to know virtually nothing about sex? Blaine apologizes for overstepping? IGNORE.
So Blaine officially realizes he’s “in love.” Pfft. Fight back with: “he fell in love with Kurt over a dead bird.” It will show how awesome, witty, and competent you are.
Now that Blaine and Kurt are an item, it’s time to get nasty. Start over-analyzing. Because it’s Glee, after all. Start out with: “the weather at the bird funeral is cold and nasty. Much like their relationship. RIB are trying to tell us something.”
Point out the new couple’s lack of PDA. It’s weird that a gay couple wouldn’t be affectionate while walking the halls of a public school…at night…right? So bizarre. I thought once the same person who sexually assaulted Kurt and drove him out of his school appeared, they would be at ease. This must mean Blaine is the anti-Christ.
Blaine shoved the bully? This contradicts with our previous arguments against Blaine for not fighting back, but oh well. Let’s still call him a jackass.
Blaine tells Kurt’s friends he’d TOTALLY be okay with Kurt going back to his old school, if it weren’t for his bully. Blaine is controlling Kurt’s decisions! Don’t even acknowledge that he said “I told him (Kurt),” implying this was an actual discussion the couple had. Nope. Don’t even worry about that.
Blaine sang to Kurt in front of his entire school. Well, now we have to criticize him for drawing attention to their relationship…after making a big deal about their lack of PDA…because this makes sense.
So now we get to Prom Queen. As a Blaine hater, it is required that you mute the scene where Blaine discusses being gay bashed. It’s best that you don’t enlighten yourself with this character development, especially since you will never bring it up. Ever. Spend the rest of the episode criticizing Blaine for allowing Kurt to rant instead of smothering him with comforting hugs and kisses (because we all know this actually helps when you’re in a rage). Also, you might as well just turn the television off right after Karofsky leaves the dance floor. Because, as a Blaine hater, it is required that you never EVER bring up Blaine “facing his fears” (or whatever) and asking Kurt to dance.
Now, the finale of season two. Cry a bit, because Blaine made it into the episode. Just cry. Now, moving along. We can’t really find fault in Blaine’s “I love you.” I guess he meant it. Whatever. It’s time to rip Kurt apart now. He said it too fast, all right? Because when the boy who means the world to you FINALLY says those three words, there is no reason to feel a bit giddy, scared, or a variety of other things. You must reply confidently! Oh, Kurt kept eye contact the whole time? He followed it up by expressing how wonderful an otherwise shitty year has been? Oh. Ok. Well. Never mind that.